Living and Leaving a Legacy

In November of 2005 my whole family decided that we wanted to spend Thanksgiving week with my dad and his wife, Lilly at their home in Sequim, Washington. My mom passed away in 1996 and two years later Dad married Lilly, who we would all come to know and love like our own mother and grandmother. Dad had been struggling with his health some, and we made it our goal to simply bless them as best we could. We wanted to spoil them by doing all the cooking and cleaning up for them while we were there. I told my three grown daughters that this would be a good time to ask them everything they wanted to know about them.

We had a very memorable week with Dad and Lil. It was one of the best weeks we have ever spent with them. More special now than ever, since Dad passed away unexpectedly in August of 2008. My only regret was that we didn't make more of a record of our time by writing stuff down or taking videos of Dad and Lilly as they told us about their lives.

My good friends, John Coulombe and Bambi Encarnation, lead the Older Adult Ministry at Fullerton Evangelical Free Church. They are two of the most effective and innovative leaders in the entire nation. They do many things so well, but John recently sent me some resources that they use to help their people live and leave a legacy for their families and loved ones. One of the things they help their people with is what they call a "Living Eulogy". Using a list of really great questions, they help people craft their stories to leave behind for others to enjoy. Here is the list of questions that they use:

Childhood

1. Which relative spent time with you as a child? What did you do?
2. Who was your favorite childhood friend?
3. When you were growing up, which room did the family spend the most time in? Describe it.
4. What were Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, summer, winter, spring, and fall like as a child?
5. What was your most embarrassing experience in school? What was your school like? Describe it.
6. With whom did you talk over your problems when growing up? As an adult?
7. What was your church like when you were 15 years old?
8. What was the grocery store like when you were 10 years old?
9. What were some of the ‘pranks you used to pull as a child/teen?
10. What activity, besides eating, went on at the kitchen table in your home when you were growing up?
11. Who were the religious and political leaders during your childhood/teen/young adult years?
12. Name/describe your first pet and your favorite pet.
13. What sports events did you enjoy watching/participating in as a child/teen?
14. Who would normally wake you up as a child?
15. What was a typical day as a child/teen?
16. Sing a popular song from your teen years.
17. What nickname did you have? Which one did you like? Dislike?
Which one do you wish you had?
18. Describe a favorite childhood game.
19. Tell about an aroma you recall from your childhood.
20. Share a “woodshed” experience.
21. Describe a favorite item in your childhood home.
22. What was your favorite family dinner as a child?
23. Describe your yard as a child.
24. What did you do on a Saturday night as a child? As a teen?

Parents & Relatives

25. What was your fathers/mother’s favorite food?
26. What did he/she do for a living?
27. What did your parents do for ”fun”?
28. Tell me about your parents’ physical features.
29. What state/country did your grandparents come from?
30. What is one word to describe your Mom and Dad’s personality?
31. What are the names/birth dates of all your brothers/sisters? Your children?

Grandchildren?

32. Describe the house/place where your grandparents lived.
33. Share the best thing about one of your brothers or sisters.
34. What made father/mother sad?
35. What was one of your parent’s favorite sayings?
36. What were your grandparents’ occupations?
37. What family incident is often talked about?

Medical History

38. What medical history should be known by your family?

Molders & Shapers

39. What did your parents think was most important in life?
40. What traditions would you most like to see passed on as family traditions?
41. What three people have you admired most in your life?
42. Besides your spouse, who has had the greatest influence on your life?
43. What were some of your most foolish decisions?
44. What part did your parents play in your religious training?

Gleaned Messages

45. What advice would you give about marriage/parenting? If you could do it over, what would you do differently?
46. If you could tell the younger generation one thing, what would that be?

Spiritual Life

47. If you were beginning your experience with Christ over, what would you do differently? Do the same?
48. Tell about your earliest faith experience.

Difficult Moments

49. What was the most difficult/painful experience you had as a child? As a teen? As an adult?
50. What was the hardest thing to do in all your life?
51. What was the most challenging experience of your life?
52. What was the most difficult death you ever experienced? Why?

Special Moments

53. Describe your wedding day.
54. What was the most fun you ever had?
55. Describe your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
56. Share a miracle you saw or experienced.
57. Share about the most famous person you ever met.
58. Tell about a special birthday you had.

Potpourri

59. In how many places have you lived? Which did you like the best? Why?
60. What item do you own that you value the most?
61. Tell a story about chewing gum.
62. Tell a story about something you lost or forgot?
63. What is your all-time pet peeve?
64. Describe the types of jobs you have held throughout your life. Which did you like the most? The least? Why?
65. Tell about some significant turning points in your life.
66. What are you thankful that you learned early in life (before age 25)?
(from a mentor, teacher, coach, roommate, and parent)
67. What do you wish you had learned much earlier before becoming an adult (and maybe are still learning)?
68. Name your accomplishments of which you are proudest.
69. Name experiences or events you regret.
70. Looking back, what is one of the best decisions you ever made? (Besides your conversion and marriage.)
71. What was the worst decision you ever made?
72. State an area of strength in your life
• which has given you fulfillment
• in which you excel
73. Specify an area of life that remains a struggle.
74. Tell of a specific answer to prayer in the past year.
75. Mention something that you are still waiting for God to do in the future.

As you can imagine, there is great value in doing this sort of thing with your families. Just a little investment in time to draw this stuff out and to archive it as a written or recorded history will create a great blessing to the families and preserve their legacy. Just think how much of this has been lost for surviving generations simply because nobody took the time to somehow save it for posterity.

You are out of excuses now. Get on with it.

Boomers, Your Best Years are Ahead of You

Ken Dychtwald is well known as the living expert on the Baby Boomer in the United States. He is a boomer himself, and as a gerontologist he has studied the Boomers for more than 30 years. The thing I like most about him is the fact that he is so positive about the limitless potential of the Boomer. The Power Years--A Users Guide to the Rest of Your Life was published in 2005 by Ken Dychtwald and Daniel J. Kadlec. I think it is a must read for anybody who is seeking to engage the Baby Boomers in active church ministry and kingdom building. In the first chapter of the book, the authors make the case for why the remaining years of life for the "new old" are truly the Power Years. They list 7 reasons:

1. We'll Be Living Longer and Healthier

"We will live longer and grow old later in life than any previous generation. Incredibly, two-thirds of all those who have made it to age sixty-five in the history of mankind are today walking the earth. We are not just living longer, we are also in better health and enjoy greater youthfulness and vitality. There are more 50-and sixty-year-olds running marathons, buying harleys, starting new careers, going to rock concerts, and getting facelifts than ever before. Our increasing longevity and good health, coupled with our natural desire to remain youthful, are the greatest forces behind the power years...The upshot is that great numbers of people--not just exceptions--are able to work and play as they like far longer than anyone might have expected."

2. The Cyclic Lifeplan Will Replace the Outmoded Linear Model

"The landmark New Retirement Survey that Ken directed in 2004 with Merrill Lynch was based on interviews with more than three thousand boomers. The study found that only 17 percent of them said they intended to stop working for pay forever in their next stage of life. A whopping 42 percent reported that they hoped to cycle in and out of work and leisure for extended periods throughout life; 16 percent expected to continue working part-time; 13 percent were planning on starting their own business; and 6 percent fully intended to keep working full-time right through their retirement years. Incredibly, of the 76 percent who intended to continue working in some fashion, more than half were hoping to do so in a completely new career or line of work!"

"Further, when asked why so many wanted to stay involved with work, the overwhelming response was not money. Instead, two of three said the main reason was to stay mentally active. Members of our highly educated and productive generation simply don't want to live a life of intellectual stagnation and mental irrelevance."

3. We'll Have a Big--and Growing Pool of Role Models

Late achievement, while multiplying in frequence, isn't altogether new. Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was almost eighty. Groucho Marx launched a new career as a television show host at sixty-five. George Bernard Shaw was at work on a new play when he died at ninety-four. Galileo published his masterpiece Dialogue Concerning the Twop New Scoiences at seventy-four. Noah Webster was seventy when he published An American Dictionary of the English Language. Frank Lloyd Wright designed the Guggenheim Museum in New York at ninety[one. Mahatma Gandhi was seventy[two when he complete successful negotiations with Britain for India's independence..."

"In their day, these remarkable men and women may have been condidered highly unusual. But thest Ageless Explorers have carved new trails ahead of us and represent the first wave of maturity pioneers. We baby boomers will be next, and we'll turn this thorny trail into a superhighway. "

4. We'll Be Wiser about What Matters

"Having climbed much of the mountain, you now have a pretty good view of life. As we accumulate and make sense of life's lessons, most of us have come to appreciate that the joy that money alone brings is fleeting, and that true happiness revolves around love, relationaships, and our sense of fulfillment at work and at play. Most of us reach this basic understanding in our middle years--sometimes precipitated by the death of a parent, our kids leaving home, or the failure of a career or marriage. But for the most part, by the time we're fifty and still young enough to shape our later years, we understand that money, while it's important is not what underlies happiness..."

"Tom Hagan of Covington, Ohio, sold his pharmacy business at age fifty-six. But he didn't retire. He remains employed in the industry; he simply gave up the headaches and rewards of ownership. 'The secret to life is being fulfilled,' Hagan says. 'It has nothing to do with money. I have friends who are worth $50 million who are miserable. They hate their wives; they hate their children. I love my life. I'm still working, and I plan to work until I die. I love my new job. It keeps my mind active. I couldn't imagine sitting around and watching TV every day.'"

5. We'll Have New Freedoms

"The kids are gone or soon will be. College and house are paid for--well, mostly paid for... In addition to braces and summer camp and all the things you put in your house are largely paid for; you don't need a lot more stuff. With many of your biggest parenting-related financial obligations coming to an end, you'll be endowed with greater freedom to do the things you've always wanted. Meanwhile, your busy schedule is beginning to let up, providing you with a windfall of free time that will let you take on new challenges or pursue hidden passions and long-supressed dreams."

"And because the economy will want to simuntaneously prevent a brain drain and declining consumption by keeping all of us earning and spending longer, it will become easier to stay at work or start a new career. The vacuum of workers maturing means that older adults will be in demand and more able to choose our own schedules, and still remain valuable. With the rise of flextime and part-time schedules and contract and project jobs and job sharing, there are millions of exciting paths for us to explore in the work world--throughout the world. With online universities, we can retrain at home or pursue a life as a writer or artist or some other dream."

6. We'll Still Have Clout in the Marketplace

"Our huge numbers and often free-spending ways have ensured throughout our lifetime that anyone with something to sell would be inclined to tailor it to our wants and needs. Our demographic and financial wells of influence won't run dry as we mature. We will live longer and healthier and remain active consumers... While we are just 30 percent of the population, we control more than 70 percent of all the wealth and account for more than 50 percent of consumer spending. As we mature and collectively inherit an estimated $20 trillion, we will be as cherished as ever in the marketplace."

"Advertisers will need to break free of their addiction to youth. Many wrongly believe that all adults have already chosen the brands they will stick with for life, while young people have yet to choose their cola, sneaker, cell phone, or whatever. This flawed view will stop paying off; marketers will increasingly come to realize that at fifty or sixty we not only have money to spend but also are eager to ditch our old lipstick for the latest colors. As we age, we will remain interested in new adventures and experiences, and we will spend freely to reach our full potential in the power years."

7. We'll Be Open to Change

"Personal growth and self-improvement are the new order, and as this mind-set blossoms, it will open the doors to fulfillment and achievement that might otherwise have been stifled. The world of continuing education may best illustrate the appetites of a generation that loves to learn and grow. Already a thriving adult-education industry has begun to flourish, including magazines, books, audio, video, Internet learning programs, and adult-education seminars, workshops, and courses."

"About forty million adults participate in one or more educational activities each year. As the need to continuously upgrade skills becomes a requirement, lifelong learning will become commonplace. In response, colleges and universities have begun to aggressively pursue adult students. USA Today recounted: 'admission officers and financial-aid directors from campuses across the USA echo the message: Older students are as desirable--often more so--as the traditional 18-24 college crowd. And they're just as eligible for grants and loans as their younger brethren.' Adults, they say are better motivated, usually have educational goals in focus, and have experiences to share with younger students."

I think Dychtwald and Kadlec make a pretty compelling argument for why the remaining years for the boomer aged American are accurately characterized by them as the power years. But at the same time, I wonder who is getting this message out to these very people? A friend of mine recently met with a man who was just laid off from a large company that he helped start with two others some 20 years ago. The man is 60 years old, and his company has pretty much told him that his value to the organization is no longer great enough to warrant him staying on the payroll. He expressed to my friend that even though his work culture is telling him that he is no longer valuable, he has never felt like he had more to give in terms of wisdom, expertise, and even energy.

I wonder how many millions of boomers are feeling a similar kind of dissonance. While the culture is trying to tell them they are finished, they don't at all want to feel like they are. And in fact they aren't. Could it be that this is a prime opportunity for the church to rise up and bring this information out of the closet and thereby affirm to these oncoming millions of mature adults that perhaps the best years of real life and significant contribution are still ahead of them?

Questions to ponder:

How should this information influence the way our churches seek to connect with the Baby Boomers?
What are some of the differences you notice between the boomer and the builder in their perspectives on aging?
What kinds of things might need to change in the way you do ministry with older adults in order to engage the boomer more effectively?